Tag Archives: worry

“Will it help?”

Will it help? 

This is such a simple question and so very helpful.

Will it help?

Will it help?

If you saw the film The Bridge of Spies, you will have seen it was the Russian Spy’s response to the American lawyer’s question ‘Aren’t you worried?’

Next time you hear a friend (or yourself) worrying over something, going over and over the same territory, just stop for a moment and with concern ask, ‘Will it help?’ The answer will be no and in fact it is counterproductive. When your brain perceives that it is under threat in some way, it goes down a gear to basic functioning. Your brain prepares for the classic fight or flight response. You are ready for physically managing an emergency, but not the higher level frontal lobe consideration and decision making that the situation would require.

Next time you hear a friend (or yourself) complaining or getting frustrated about something and those same chicken circles of negative thinking are occurring, just think or say thoughtfully, ‘Will it help?’ Of course the answer is that it will not, meanwhile you have got yourself all upset and filled with the bad chemicals and the situation is still as it was. Now that was a waste of your precious energy.

Next time you hear a friend (or yourself) feeling guilty and talking about how they feel so bad because of so and so… Gently ask, ‘Will it help?’  I think you may be seeing a pattern here! Yet we all can take up much precious time and waste our energy resources with these behaviours. Guilt is a very heavy and totally useless emotion, it can grey a whole section of your life.

Next time you hear a friend (or yourself) ‘awfulising’ or using the ‘always’ or ‘never’ words with some behaviour or other, just wait for a little while and then considerately ask, ‘Will it help?’ Really push for an answer, because if you are adding some constructive ideas or creative solutions it IS helpful, however if you are just going round and round in a downward spiral, then realising that not only is it not helping in any way, it is actually very destructive for your wellbeing and constructive thinking.

What TO do?
After you have answered the ‘Will it help?’ question – and the answer is inevitably ‘No!’  Then a very simple action and one that WILL help you to redirect this habit is this:

  1. Keep a running list of those things that take up your mind, every time you find you are thinking or talking about them, write them down. If it is the same thing again, add a mark. Write them down and put them aside for now. Because you know you and those items will have a special time, later that day.
  2. Pick a time, say between work and coming home, or after supper when you can take 20 minutes to yourself. Find a comfy place to sit and take an ‘empty book’ or some nice paper, or your journal and a favourite coloured pen and the list you created from the day, because now you have a whole 20 minutes to worry / fret / guilt / awfulise and complain about them. Write it all out, round and round, down and down.
  3. At the end of the 20 minutes put it all away and you will find your brain feels very satisfied, because you have given it attention for these things. If, perchance any constructive thoughts should occur, you need to put those on a separate page and consider them later. This is just for useless, inept, worthless, waste of time, inadequate thinking.
  4. Many times you will find that it is so ridiculous that you are unable to fill the 20 minutes, in which case register this as you waste all those moments in your day and give less and less power to them. If you are able to fill your 20 minutes, then you may wish to join the ‘worried man (as in hu-man)  bloggers’ association.

AND remember step 3 of the Mind Chi Basic 8 steps, where you look for things you wish you had said or done differently in the past 24 hours. You are looking for what you would rather do if they occur again and to start to put the new behaviour in place. Look for the small success steps, this is probably a well-rehearsed habit and so may take a time to change. Be sure to celebrate your successes in step 4 of the Mind Chi Basic – looking for what went well in the past 24 hours. Here is a link to the YouTube of those steps and the map of the 8 steps and an app that will time the full 8 minutes for you:

For the Mind Chi YouTube teaching the Mind Chi Basic 8 steps (there are 8 videos, building to the 8 steps): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLUMph1aHRU&feature=channel&list=
Specifically for step 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTIgUPJYN3U

For the Mind Chi app (briefly teaches and times the Mind Chi Basic 8 minute routine): https://appsto.re/gb/_TMVab.i

For a link to the website that gives a one page map and explanation:  http://www.mindchi.com/mind-chi-basic-8-steps/

Please let Chi & I know if this was a help for you: Chi@MindChi.com or Vanda@MindChi.com

 

Don’t worry – be happy! Er, how?

Don’t worry? Be happy!  That is what the song says to us – but HOW?

Don't worry, be happy!

Don’t worry, be happy!

I expect you are saying, ‘I’d love to stop, but I can’t!’
So here are two things to assist you: one is an amazingly encouraging piece of news AND the other a Mind Chi 8 step, fool proof way to stop your worrying – want to know more?
First the amazing news comes from a study which says the average person spends 110 minutes a day worrying about work, money, relationships and appearance! OUCH!!!
That might not seem too bad until you work out the sum of how much time that is for your ‘average’ lifetime – a whopping great FIVE years – wasted, unnecessarily, causing you stress and strain!  Would you like to use those 5 years more enjoyably?

Some of you may really enjoy worrying and if that is the case and it is a conscious choice to continue, off you go! But if you would like to stop – please read on.

First, let us clarify that we do not mean considering your options and doing some risk control thinking when you have a problem. We mean the chicken circle thinking, where you go round and round with the same scare mongering thoughts. This usually means that you also put yourself in an increasingly negative emotional state, this makes the chicken circle dance begin an increasingly downward spiral. Then your thinking and mood go from bad to awful, to catastrophic!

So what to do about it?  Here is the Mind Chi 8 step way to stop worrying:

  1. First, become consciously aware that you are worrying. Make a little movement, such as tapping your wrist to really bring it to your awareness.
  2. Next note the topic you are worrying about on a piece of paper or your phone, so you are sure to remember what it was. However, right now, is NOT the time to worry about it, so get on with something else!
  3. If a bit later you find yourself starting to worry about the same thing again, then put a mark by the topic to show it is the second / third / forth etc. time. And get on with something else!!
  4. If you find that you are starting to worry about a new topic, then note that on your paper as well and note any repeats of that.  And get on with something else…
  5. And you will ‘get on with something else’ because you have a special treat in store for later that day. Schedule into your diary a 30 minute very important appointment.That is your 30 minute ‘ worry time’. Just for you and just for all those topics you noted during the day – ahhhhh – uninterrupted worry time.  (You will have noted, I am sure, that you are actually saving 50 minutes of your life from the fragmented, hodgepodge previously unconsidered worrying you did – already a plus!)
  6. Take your piece of paper out and look at the topics you have written down. You may wish to prioritise them and divide your 30 minutes up accordingly.
  7. Set your timer and pick your first topic and start to seriously worry. Remember no solutions, no options, NO plans, NO positive forward thinking. JUST useless chicken circle thinking! I expect you will find it IMPOSSIBLE to fill your allotted 30 minutes!
  8. Repeat this process for as long as it takes you to realise that worry is a waste of your precious life and reduces your overall resilience. Any time you slip back, just repeat again. Even if you stay with the 30 minutes you are still adding nearly 2 ½ years of good quality, positive days to your life – not bad!

Five years gained and not a diet or exercise in sight!!!

Here are a few good quotes I found about worry:
From George F. Burns – “When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.”
And Erma Bombeck – “There is a great difference between worry and concern. A worried person sees a problem, and a concerned person solves a problem.”
Finally Robert Eliot “A day of worry is more exhausting than a day of work.”
Now you know how to – Be happy, don’t worry!