The final three holiday horror topics – temptations, should & aught, and everything!

The TEMPTATIONS Festive Holiday Horrors and 
                                    the Mind Chi Happiness to overcome it.

What are the TEMPTATIONS that come after you?

The seventh of the Festive Holiday Horrors are all the TEMPTATIONS that abound with the Festivities and even worse, continue for the better part of a month, before life returns to ‘normal’. There are the ones you know you absolutely do not have a chance to resist? 

There are the automatic ones, where you respond to a stimulus without thinking if that is what you CHOOSE to do (such as answer the phone).

Then there are the TEMPTATIONS that sneak up on you, you have been lured in before you know it. Or even worse, the ones that look on the surface as though they may be OK and it is not until you are well into it that you realise, a TEMPTATION has caught you again.

But wait! Isn’t it NICE to give into a few TEMPTATIONS? After all, isn’t that what the holidays are all about, a little indulgence is GOOD for you – and – YES it is! 

Do you have some other TEMPTATIONS to add? And what to do about all of them?

The Mind Chi Happiness – GRATITUDE

You may wonder how GRATITUDE might assist your overcoming all those TEMPTATIONS.  

Consider why do you give in to them? 

What makes them TEMPTATIONS for you?

What is the need that the TEMPTATION fills (at least temporarily)?

What answers do you have to the above questions? 

Might it be that you are feeling a lack of something?

Maybe love, recognition, peace, fulfilment, confidence, contentment or joy?

Once you become aware that TEMPTATION is masking a real feeling, then you can have a fresh look at it. 

Once you identify the underlying cause you can look at what you can do about that and even if that may take some fixing, you have at least pulled the real cause and the TEMPTATION apart. That awareness alone, gives you much strength to resist.

And how can you use GRATITUDE as the antidote to the TEMPTATION?

As you look back at the underlying cause of your TEMPTATION and see there is a lack of something, taking just one minute to consider ALL the things for which you could be grateful

Will start to compensate in many ways. Remembering all the good things in your life has been shown to increase your resistance to infection, make you more resilient to the strain of life’s stresses, and help you to see what IS working in your life and therefor how much you do have to appreciate. Suddenly all the underlying lacks that make those TEMPTATIONS so very irresistible, seem to diminish. Try it, you have nothing to lose and very much to gain.

To be extra sure it is good to plan ahead. 

Where have you suffered the pitfalls of TEMPTATIONS before? If it was that you did really suffer in previous years, then considering a plan NOW to help you will reap dividends.  
Might you just graciously send your regrets to the invitation?
Might you go with a friend or partner who you know will keep you in check. It is important to have an agreement that at the agreed cut off point, you do NOT argue, remember they are doing you a favour, and so shift your behaviour at once. 
Might you wear a particular piece, say on your wrist, so you can see it easily, and it reminds you to go easy?

On the potentially automatic response TEMPTATIONS, when the stimulus occurs, even if your hand has already reached out, you have a nanosecond of intercept control. TAKE IT! Remember, because it rings you do NOT have to answer, you answer because you want to and it is convenient and someone with whom you want to speak. Holding the reins of control is one of the most powerful strain relievers of all life’s stresses.

Then you can use some TEMPTATIONS (with a tinge of moderation) as special rewards when you have done some things that were a bit difficult to do. Select them carefully and be sure that you will not suffer as a result. Put a safety net in place and off you go to have a well-earned reward and a bit of good TEMPTATION. En JOY!

Temptations!
Temptations!

To summarise the 8 Mind Chi Happinesses to Overcome the TEMPTATIONS

  1. Look for the underlying causes of why you are TEMPTED.
  2. Having isolated the cause let this awareness deplete TEMPTATION power.
  3. Use the power of GRATITUDE to appreciate all you DO have.
  4. Plan ahead to curtail danger TEMPTATION places and put strategies in place.
  5. Agree with a buddy to remind you when you have reached a pre-agreed limit.
  6. STICK to that agreement and STOP the behaviour at once.
  7. Use the nanosecond response gap to ACT rather than react, e.g. phones.
  8. Allow yourself some special TEMPTATIONS as a special reward for yourself.

The ‘SHOULDs’ and ‘OUGHTs’ of the Festive Holiday Horrors and 
                        the Mind Chi Happiness to overcome them.            

Banish ‘should’ and ”aughts’

All the ‘SHOULDs’ and ‘OUGHTs’ of the Festive Holiday Horrors

Do you find yourself often saying ‘I should to this and that’ or ‘I ought to see so and so’?
I know you know the old expression ‘Don’t ‘SHOULD’ on yourself!’ but still you do it.
And why do you do it?
You grew up with lots of tapes playing from your parents, school, religion and society, they are
deeply embedded and often you act on them without any awareness, except for the vague disconcerting feeling that it may not be quite right and certainly does not bring you any happiness.
These taped messages which are constantly playing are the source of many of the SHOULDs and OUGHTs.

On top of that you may seek approval and acceptance, it is very easy for you to think ‘I SHOULD attend that office party, else they will think I don’t like them’ or ‘I OUGHT to visit Auntie Rene as she is all alone and I know she’ll tell my Mother if I don’t go’.  You want to ‘fit in’ and it is often at a great cost to yourself and brings additional festive strain.

Reciprocating is another big SHOULD or OUGHT. ‘They invited us over to dinner, now we OUGHT to invite them back’ or ‘John sent me a card so I SHOULD send one back to him!’ 
Do you have some more SHOULDs AND OUGHTs? And what can you do about them?

The Mind Chi Happiness – QUESTION


The big new skill you will need is to bring to your awareness when one of those SHOULDS and OUGHTS creeps into your mind and at that very moment STOP and QUESTION before you automatically respond. This is a new skill and you will need to use the nanosecond interrupt that you have in your brain to grab control. You may wish to use several of the Mind Chi Happinesses used with the previous Horrors: STOP! BREATHE; SAY ‘NO!’ and use your POWER all can assist you here.

Just becoming aware that it IS a SHOULD or OUGHT is a big step in the right direction. You may well miss a few and be in auto-respond mode and then catch yourself. STOP right then and say, ’Oh, I am so sorry, I was on automatic, would you let me think about this and get back to you?’

What is the WORST that can happen?

If you are responding from the fear of lack of approval or acceptance, then one QUESTION you might ask yourself is ‘What is the WORST that can happen?’ After you have thought that one through then YOU decide; ‘Can I live with that?’ (Remember that it is usually not nearly as bad as you expected.)
After you have thought the possible consequences through YOU now decide on your action plan. The big difference is that now YOU are taking control the POWER is in your hands. If you feel that what you receive in the approval or acceptance (you do not have a guarantee about that anyway) is worth it, then it is your CHOICE to do the action. Interestingly the ‘same’ action feels completely different if you think someone else is making you, versus if YOU feel it is your choice.

If reciprocation is the reason that someone does something, with the specific thought and expectation that they will receive the same or better back, then they are doing it for the wrong reasons (and I expect you were not thrilled by the thought that you OUGHT to invite them back – and WOW – freedom, you SHOULDN’T!!!) 
First they will probably be a bit surprised and may hint at when will you be available and then they won’t invite you again and you are BOTH free of the obligation. 

 In all cases, if after your QUESTIONING a SHOULD or OUGHT you decide ‘Not this time’ then to communicate with understanding and empathy that you wish to take a different direction is very important. Either you will find that it was no problem at all (in most cases) or someone will say that it is important to them. In that rare case then you need to come up with a compromise with which you can both be happy.

To summarise the 8 Mind Chi Happinesses to overcome the SHOULDs and OUGHTs:

  1. Become aware of all your historic tapes and QUESTION their relevance to you today.
  2. After you are aware, then QUESTION what you actually do what to do.
  3. Use your nanosecond of over-ride control to consciously select ‘Yes’ or ‘No’
  4. Use STOP! BREATHE; SAY ‘NO!’ and your POWER to assist you to have CONTROL
  5. QUESTION if you really will receive the acceptance or approval if you acquiesce.
  6. Ask yourself; ‘What is the worst that can happen’ then select your action.
  7. Only reciprocate IF you want to, an explanation to the person is polite though!
  8. Explain with courtesy your change in behaviour, it will probably be freeing to the other as well. And in all cases enjoy!

The EVERYTHING Festive Holiday Horror and 
                                    the Mind Chi Happiness to overcome it

An ‘everything’ bagel

Expecting to be the perfect EVERYTHING to everyone

This is actually Holiday Horror # 9 – an extra one – but we feel it is so important and can impact ALL the other 8 – so we have put it here!
I saw that someone called this Generation E! It especially afflicts women and maybe the slightly older woman. You were probably brought up to ‘serve’ everyone and to put yourself LAST.

My Mum had it to the extreme of really ONLY doing what OTHERS wanted, so ‘Would YOU like a cup of tea?’ was her way of saying ‘I’d love a cup of tea!’ At some deeply subtle level you feel expected to ‘do’ everything for everyone. You think (sorry, KNOW) you are indispensable – well who else will do it?! And certainly do it ‘right’? This is actually a dis-service to all those you love and especially to yourself.
You can probably add some more EVERYTHING horrors as well. So, what to do?

Mind Chi Holiday Happiness – REWIRE YOUR BRAIN!

At a deep level you need to REWIRE YOUR BRAIN and no, this is not painful! In fact it is probably the most liberating, energising, fast and simple thing you have ever done. It takes just 8 minutes a day to perform the Mind Chi Basic routine, it requires no special equipment and you can do it anywhere (well, not while driving!)
You can find the 8 steps FREE when you follow this link: http://www.mindchi.com/index.php/what-is-mind-chi/mind-chi-basic-8-steps/  for the quick introduction, or this link{ http://www.mindchi.com/index.php/extra-resources/ where it says ‘Mind Chi Chapter 4’ for the full chapter from the Mind Chi book that explains the Mind Chi Basic process.

You do a DIS-SERVICE to those you love by doing everything for them. How? Well you are saying ‘YOU are not capable of doing this, so I must.’ You are making them your master and you their SLAVE – not a fulfilling role for either of you! You can BLAME them that you are tired, unwell, unable – all their fault. You give away your POWER to them and let them be in CONTROL of you.

And what are you doing to YOURSELF? Also a DIS-SERVICE! You are wearing yourself out so you are no good to anyone and STRAINING yourself with all the extra stress you put on yourself.
Because you have now TRAINED everyone to expect you to do everything, you will need to have a discussion with them so you may both change your BEHAVIOURS and EXPECTATIONS.

So REWIRE YOUR BRAIN, take the reins of control into your hands. Allow those you love to grow and be recognised as competent and you be the you that you have always wanted to be! En-JOY!!!

To recap, the 8 positive actions for Mind Chi Holiday Happiness to overcome the Horror of ‘Expecting to be EVERYTHING to everyone’ during the Holiday (and the rest of the time!):

            1.         Start to REWIRE YOUR BRAIN – 8 minutes a day with Mind Chi.
            2.         Follow the links above – download & SAVE – then DO for 28 days in a row.
            3.         Know that you are (in the nicest way) DISPENSIBLE!
            4.         Gently TRANSITION so THEY may be responsible
            5.         If necessary TEACH them! Let them take ownership.
            6.         Become MASTER of yourself, NOT everyone’s slave.
            7.         Discuss and agree about everyone’s BEHAVIOURS and EXPECTATIONS.
            8.         ‘BLAME’ yourself for creating a life you ENJOY!

OK! you are now the proud possessor of 72 ways to include as much holiday happiness as you, your family, friends, team mates can manage!

Please let us know which worked best for you. And if you have other ideas, we would love to hear those too!

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You may have more information about resilience sessions here:

You may see the start of the festive holiday horror series here: