Tag Archives: joy

On Valentine’s Day – first, fall in love with yourself!

Dear Valentines All

Happy Valentine's Day from Chi!

Happy Valentine’s Day from Chi!

How many of you were brought up to put yourself last and that ‘loving’ yourself might mean you were either braggadocios or thinking you were unable to improve  – NOT TRUE!!!   So my BIG message of LOVE to you is – Appreciate yourself! Take time for yourself! Send out LOVE as you go about your day! Give love without any expectations and have a wonderful day.

WARNING – there are side effects! First, once you start this attitude for life, you will want to keep doing it even on days other than Valentine’s Day and second, you will find that you have reduced your stress levels and you are smiling and having a stupendous day!  Loving yourself by taking up the simple Mind Chi Basic 8 minutes a day routine will build your resilience and give you a coping strategy to build your capacity to love.

Then I saw this article and thought that Debbie says it perfectly, so I am passing it on to you, on this special day of love. 

How To Become Irresistible in Love

Love is the most emotionally-charged, hard-to-define, mysterious word in our personal world. It is invisible, yet observable and concrete in the heart of the beloved. It insulates us from externals like: disappointment, criticism and the aging process. Love gives us a powerful energy and that’s why we love to be in love. There are two popular phrases involving love that need to be distinguished to clarify how to get love and keep it: Being in love and being a loving person.

Being in Love is a blend of two opposing forces: Primal, hot, animal urge and real, knowledgeable choice. Each one of us desires to be selected, but not as a consolation prize! If we are looking for romance, no one wants to be loved like a roommate or a caregiver. On the other hand, loving holds an expanded list of traits suggesting: Fulfilling a promise, giving selflessly and acting kindly. Loving does not have to be directed at a special someone; one can be loving to children in a classroom or patients in a nursing home.So how do you identify true love, find it and sustain it? Most likely, it’s a combination of being a loving person and being in love. If you are a loving person, you know how to love yourself and love others; you believe in love and so will make yourself available to attract love. On the other hand, if you don’t know how to love yourself, act kindly to yourself and think of your own needs, then how can you love another person or even believe that you are worthy of being loved?A relationship is not about two people becoming one, or clones of one another – that sounds like science fiction. Don’t keep on using, “we,” to speak for the other person. A relationship is a partnership of distinct personalities and talents. The best insurance policy for lasting love is to have a good self-concept. If we want to become irresistible to a significant other, we cannot resist that which must naturally emerge from within our personality.

Some parts of our personality are like buried treasure and need to be kept private, a piece for ourselves stored for a rainy day. We do not need to give everything away to another person. Vulnerability is over-rated; anyway it is a matter of choice: how much, when and why. When we know who we are, we know how vulnerable we need to be.

Here are some tips to recognize our true love or rediscover it:

  • Become lovable by loving yourself. This process involves knowing your gifts and then using them! You can’t be passive about who you are. You need to share your gifts.
  • Open your heart up even if you have had many heart-breaking relationships. The next one might be your true love. You will recognize it because you have had a great deal of experience. You will know it through contrast.
  • Maintain a level of curiosity. Even if you are involved in a long term relationship, keep exploring and asking the other person for opinions. Don’t always assume that you know what’s inside.
  • Change it up. You can’t do the same thing over and over again, and expect to get a different result – whether it’s the way you argue or make love.

Debbie Mandel, MA is the author of Changing Habits: The Caregivers’ Total Workout and Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul, a stress-reduction specialist, motivational speaker, a personal trainer and mind/body lecturer. She is the host of the weekly Turn On Your Inner Light Show on WGBB AM1240 in New York City , produces a weekly wellness newsletter, and has been featured on radio/ TV and print media. To learn more visit: www.turnonyourinnerlight.com

8 potions to power up love and reduce stress!

It is the month of Love, so Mind Chi has researched 8 useful and practical love potions.

Love does wonderful things for your state of mind and it also offers natural stress relief. In healthy relationships, the power of love is strong enough to keep your heart happy and your mind and body healthy.

Chi with heart

Chi with heart

Loving potion 1: How Love Helps

Sharing in life’s joys and challenges is one of the great benefits of being in a relationship.  “When you are in a loving marriage or a good relationship, you have somebody there to share your worries, to talk through problems and to enjoy free time with,” says Sally R. Connolly, a social worker and therapist with the Couples Clinic of Louisville in Louisville, Ky. Relationships can provide stress relief by simply not leaving you to shoulder every burden completely on your own, Connelly explains.  You also have someone “to visualize the future with. Somebody who is there for you and witnesses your life,” adds Connolly. A number of studies have found that people in healthy marriages live longer and have fewer health problems than people who are unhappily married or not in a relationship, according to Connolly. Such is the power of love. What’s more, people who are happily married not only benefit from stress relief, they suffer less often from depression, too. A loving partner can share the responsibility of stressful situations, offer support, a listening ear and advice when you need it. And when you need to remember happier, easier times, a loving partner can help with that as well.

Love potion 2: Remember the power of play

Any relationship is enhanced by some ‘play-time’. When did you last play? Look at how much fun children have when they play and how boundless their energy! How can you make aspects of your work into ‘play’? You can still be as careful and precise, but you will have enjoyed yourself (and the others as well) and the day will fly by – go on, give it a go!

Love potion 3: Little things mean a lot

Love and friendship do require an input of effort and energy, however, that is rewarded 100 time over. Send a text, give an unsolicited hug, give a flower – just that you have thought and shared will be so appreciated by the other and make your relationship stronger.

Love  potion 4: Mending Relationships

If you have a relationship with a spouse, partner, or loved one that is a little rocky, focus on fixing it. An unhealthy relationship is just one more stressor that you don’t need and repairing it can provide stress relief and improve your health — and you’ll just feel better about it. Getting started can be tough, but Connolly suggests just reaching out to your loved one. Was there was a problem or issue that divided the relationship that needs to be addressed before you can move on? Or, if you just grew apart, consider rebuilding that relationship.

Love  potion 5: Learning to Show Affection

Not everyone is comfortable with affection — perhaps it’s just your personality or the influence of family when you were growing up. If being affectionate is difficult for you, consider trying to start expressing your feelings to those in your life who you love, to strengthen these relationships. Start with small steps, reaching out physically (hugging or a gentle touch) or with affectionate words or actions. From there, you can slowly build on your relationship and your physical affection. “Congratulate yourself each time that you stretch out of your comfort zone and notice the effect that it has on your partner,” says Connolly.

Love medicine 6: Laugh together!

Share a funny film or TV show, recall funny incidences, look for moments when you can laugh. Laughter and love are two very powerful healing agents and your life feels so much richer as well. Vanda adds, ‘Look for opportunities to laugh at yourself as well, I often cause myself to chuckle and then I share it with my husband and friends and we all have a laugh.

Love potion 7: ‘Get over it!’ GOI

Many of the issues that can easily derail a relationship are REALLY not that big of a deal. You can choose to make it so, or equally, if you value the person and the relationship, you can just ‘Get over it!’ and get on with the pleasurable parts!
Steps 3 and 4 of the Mind Chi Basic 8 minute routine, help you to look at the past 24 hours. What might you want to do differently, should the issue happen again? Learn the lessons and then wrap it up and let it go. You also look for all the little successes you had in building your relationships and hold on to those.
The full Mind Chi 8 steps may be seen here.

Love  potion 8: Give it some time

Keeping a loving relationship alive and thriving, does require an infusion of time. When you think ‘Oh, I must call so-and-so!’ DO it! You don’t need to make it a marathon (unless you want) but just to say, ‘I had a moment while the kettle was boiling and wanted to say Hi!’ Putting aside an evening or some of the week end to enjoy each other, or having a ‘date’ or as Vanda’s American friends say ‘Let’s visit’! Talking, sharing, listening, laughing, being there for each other is the greatest gift you both can receive.

Life presents many challenges and stressors and you need someone there to support you through the difficult times — whether it’s a good friend, family member, spouse, or partner. And it’s equally important to have someone to share in happy times and celebrations. Take time to focus on the relationships in your life and reap the benefits. Just knowing that you have love, support, and help from a loved one can give you positive stress relief. 

The ONLY Resilient Woman Warrior, Vanda North conducts ‘How to be a MORE Resilient Woman’ sessions, why not enjoy one for your Valentine gift?

Points 1, 4 & 5 were adapted from the original article by: Diana Rodriguez  and medically reviewed by Lindsey Marcellin, MD, MP    http://www.everydayhealth.com/healthy-living/love-reduces-stress.aspx